My husband took my credit cards away and is giving me a weekly allowance for groceries and shopping. I don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 being fair because it鈥檚 such a small budget and he makes a lot of money. I don鈥檛 think it is fair and it is my money too. Can he withhold money from me like this since we are married?
I could understand if we came up with a budget together but he is making all the decisions and it鈥檚 not fair.Does a husband have a right to give his wife an allowance?
Before any of you answer, I think you should check out all her other questions, this one in particular. I think it explains why.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
She has spent 80k in the last 6 months......I think your husband has every reason for doing what he has done.Does a husband have a right to give his wife an allowance?
I don't think he has the ';right'; to but since he is reacting to a situation that you put the 2 of you in then I think he is just trying to do whats best and he's upset. I would say that you approach him and say that you will attempt the new budget for a few weeks but ask if he's willing to compromise on the amount. Say if you run out b/c of a larger grocery bill or something will he give you more. Be patient he's just upset and I'm sure like my husband he will get over it and things will be back to normal soon....Good Luck!
Well, is he the one that is making all the money? Then he legally can do that. If you are also bringing in money, open you own bank account and deposit your paycheck in there.
not unless your husband is controlling
Why did he take away your credit cards? If it was for nothing, than I'd me upset, too. But if he did it rightfully, if I did something wrong, spent to much money, than hey, that's what I get...
Are you making any of that money? If not, and the money he gives as an allowance really isn't enough, I'd explain to him how much would be enough and go from there.
If you are making some of the money, he has no right to take that from you without discussing first.
Anyway, I'd go to a marriage counselor because it seems either you've gotten out of control with spending in the past and he can't trust you, or you've married a control freak.
Have you asked him about sitting down together to work out a budget? You could show him realistic expenses and such. Have you done anything (i.e. spent an excessive amount of money?) to make him take these actions? Do you work outside the home? There's a lot of background info here we don't know so it's kind of hard to make a judgment call, but it does seem that he should be working with you more on these matters. Isn't he the same guy that took the babysitter home and didn't get back until 3 am? There's something else going on here.
Cather if you blew 80,000 on stuff in 6 months, you deserve to have your credit cards taken away. You need to grow up so you can raise that baby.
It will take your husband a long time to recover from your deception about your spending. Quit whining and face that.
If you need more money, sell some of that useless stuff on e-bay.
Your Husband Has Every right to do what he is doing come on look at your last Question
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Over the Last 6 months You Racked up 80K on the Credit cards.
You have to Earn Some trust Back sweetie
This is not his fault i mean come on. You have proven that you can't be trusted that way you've gotta earn that back
It May be a little Extreme but He's Gotta See for himself that You aren't going to Blow the family Budget on impulse.
He's gotta pay all that back now.
You Blew his Trust. You Gotta Earn it back interesting how you are now turning it around on him without adding those details
Come On Gimme a Break
is he willing to sit down with you and show you on paperwork or spreadsheet the budget of the household. he should be willing to do that. if he offers , do so because you need to understand that borrowing is different from HAVING. money is not a I WANT THIS OR YUR NOT FAIR ISSUE. it is either you have it or you do not. you both as adults need to be able to budget your PURCHASES. use a debit card instead of a credit card. the debit can have a max on it each week, two weeks, etc. that is money directly from your banking acct and will not allow purchases beyond what is in your acct. at least it works that way with my bank. lastly, if you don't have it, don't buy it. good luck.
He does it because you allow it.
Cat I am sorry you live in a very nice world.. Get A divorce an you will not be able to make it on any income.
Money has no meaning to you. Do you realize all of the fore closures in the US or California right now.. Do you realize what kind of shape the economy is in.
Talk to him when he is calm and reasonable.
Tell him that you too have a say in the division of money.
Do you have money problems regarding credit cards? Sounds like he feels this is the way to solve it by taking control.
I would tell him that the two of you need to sit down and talk about this matter when he can treat you with respect.
In the meantime, start writing down all your bills each month, like mortgage, phone bills, etc. and he will see that you are taking the issue seriously. He has no right to take over, however.
there is sooo many things wrong with this setup I don't even know where to begin.
You guys are in trouble.
if you aren't bringing any money into the relationship then what he does with the money he earns is perfectly legal. It's immoral what he's doing, but it's not illegal. (this does not apply if you have a problem with money)
It would be illegal if you earned a paycheck and he took your paycheck and refused to let you have it. It would be illegal if you had a bank account in your own name and he took your debit cards to that account away from you so you couldn't access that account.
Unless you have some kind of shopping or gambling addiction and are really wasteful with money, then you have other problems in your relationship with him that you need to work on or decide if you should get out of this marriage.
NOTE: denying the spouse access to funds is a warning flag on all domestic abuse sites.
BUT if you have spending issues and are risking bankrupting yourselves, then what he's doing is trying to protect the two of you financially. If this is the case, then you need to get help with your money issues and prove to him that you can be trusted with money.
WTF, your not his child!! The both of you need to sit down and go over the family's budget together. It sounds like you dont work and if you want your own personal spending money I suggest you take on a job that way he cant tell you what to do with your own money!
May b ur spending more then what u should... give it some time... at least u know that he is a responsible man... put it this way he makes enough $$$ then make him responsible 4 what ever is needed @ home when he gives u the $$$ show him that u can spend n save... look 4 sales @ all times.
That is not a marriage. You have to have a partnership. I have an allowance, but so does my husband. We have a budget %26amp; decided how much we could spend without asking...anything else, we need to discuss first. That way you have some freedom, but you are working as a team. There is no way my husband would even do that, but I wouldn't let him if he tried. You can only be controlled like that if you let yourself. Good luck!
i think that you should understand where your husband is coming from. yes he makes alot of money but you are spending it as fast as he makes it. dont you want a future dont you want your kids to have no worries. dont you want a good life. he does have the right to put u on an allowance to teach you how to budget the money for the household. just think about this. if you hadnt spent so much money with your credit cards would he be doing this? I dont think so.
Is there a reason why he is doing this? Have you overspent? Have you had problems budgeting money? Just because he makes a lot of money does not meant that he wants it blown..He might want it put away, not just for him but for the both of you in later years or in hard times.
If my significant other had an overspending problem or did not understand the value of money, I would definitely put them on a budget. That is what we do as significant others....help each other out when the one at fault cannot see or help themselves.
E-mail me, tell me the whole story, I think there is so much more here and I would like to help.
well, it sure beats racking up $80,000 of dollars on a shopping spree, regardless of how much he makes, it's the principle of the whole matter. I've barely spent $80,000 in my entire life. And you did that in 6 months on shopping for stuff that will not give you any more meaning or value to your life? I would say go with it for now, at very least, maybe you can learn some old-fashioned discipline. not trying to be harsh, just trying to be real with you, maybe you should take that money you spent and give it to charity. that at least is tax deductible. think about all the poverty in the world and those who go without every day. sheesh!
Judging by the fact that your spending is wildly out-of-control (thank you for the link, Howyaaa), your husband is being perfectly reasonable. It sounds like your decision-making skills are impaired at this time, and it also sounds like you have a somewhat selfish focus.
Ideally, the two of you should work towards being in agreement on your budget, with each of you having input, but that also means you shouldn't spend like there's no tomorrow.
Did your husband have a say in how much you spent when you racked up all those charges on the credit cards? No? Why should you have all the fun and he have all the work and responsibility? Stop acting like a spoiled child and start working on becoming a financially responsible adult and an appreciative, helpful wife.
If you don't get a grip, you could wind up losing a lot more than your credit cards.
Some sites to help you:
http://www.daveramsey.com/
http://www.debtproofliving.com/
http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/
http://www.miserlymoms.com/
http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx鈥?/a>
I recommend you get the book ';Debt-Proof Your Marriage'; by Mary Hunt and the accompanying workbook, and then the two of you start working through it together.
You could also go ask your local reference librarian for self-help books about shopaholics, shopping addiction, spendaholics (different ways of saying the same thing).
Consider going for counseling (individual %26amp;/or joint) to help you overcome your excessive need to spend, and to help you work on your relationship so that you develop better teamwork (and that means YOU are playing on his team, not just trying to get him to do what you want).
It's been said that a life based on Doing is richer than a life based on Having. You are probably trying to fill up some void in your life by shopping %26amp; spending. Focus on developing relationships, not acquiring stuff.
There is a lot in life that you can enjoy for free. A walk in the park together...a movie shared at home (from the library, so no charge)...playing a board game or a card game. Start developing alternate activities to shopping.
I also recommend you read the book, ';It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff'; by Peter Walsh (from the Clean Sweep t.v. show).
If he has control of the accounts than he can do whatever he wants. It would be mean and not right, but he can. If you get a divorce though, all monies will be part of the marital assets and split.
what?!!!!
hello no.
take everything back off him and tell him he has no right to do this and that your money is your money.
I'm sorry but if I was his wife he would be getting buried under the patio right now.
but thats just me :-))
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