Saturday, January 9, 2010

What should one do immediately after divorce when you are not able to stop hating ur ex husband?

If ur ex husband had insulted u constantly during ur relationship and now u r divorced, what will be right step to get rid of the hate for him which make u angry and make ur self respect low. How can u feel better? how can u regain trust in love?What should one do immediately after divorce when you are not able to stop hating ur ex husband?
You have to find a way to forgive him for what he did to you in order to put it behind you. Sometimes writing down how someone has wronged you on a piece of paper %26amp; then burning the piece of paper in symbolism is helpful. I've done exactly that before %26amp; it helped me let go.





I don't know how much this will help but, honestly, you have to remember that forgiving is not the same as forgetting %26amp; forgiving can take on various tones. I had a similar situation once where my forgiveness to the other person in letting go was ';I forgive you for being such a complete idiot %26amp; luring me into a relationship with you %26amp; I forgive myself for being the idiot who didn't leave sooner.'; It may sound silly or a put-down but it can really help because it clarifies everyone's blame :)





Feeling better takes time after any break-up, especially a marriage. Just keep reminding yourself how you are better off without him %26amp; why; even while not holding it against him since, after all, you stayed as long as you did. Still, it takes time to feel better no matter how much better things are for you now...





As for finding trust in love, this takes time as well. Were it not for the tenacity of my current husband, I could have lost the best thing in my life simply because I was in a state of being unable to believe that he could love me for as long as I was. I was certain he was going to leave me at some point, etc. No matter how much better a new relationship might be, we still carry baggage %26amp; the heart holds onto some weird stuff for longer than we might wish :)





Just give yourself some time %26amp; be patient %26amp; kind with yourself. Also remember that anyone worth your time, effort %26amp; love will show you even more patience %26amp; kindness than you might even show yourself as you fully recover from the former relationship's scars. The worst scars are always the ones left on the mind/psyche because these are the ones that niggle away at us all hours of the day or when we least expect it. Again, time is the best healer. Having a loving %26amp; patient friend to hold your hand along the way just helps matters that much more...





Good luck!What should one do immediately after divorce when you are not able to stop hating ur ex husband?
The only true healing after a divorce espeically when such hatred was involved is time.I went through a tough time.After my divorce and let me tell you i was feeling a whole lot of hatred towards this man because of the pain he put me and my children through.He took off right after our divorce because according to him if he couldnt be with me he didnt want to be with his children and that is something to this day i struggle with but it does get easier with time.I dont know if you have children together but because of the children you really have to turn that hatred into something else because eventually they did see their dad and i didnt want to have all that built up anger and hatred infront of them.Another thing that helped me was i found my peace again with God.I found a great church and God really helped me find the peace that i needed to get over feeling so angry.I hope that you can do the same.Good luck
Well I hated mine to. It took a long time and I prayed about it. Well I got my answer and didn't agree or understand it. You have to forgive him first. Crazy right. Forgive but DO NOT FORGET. And I battled with this for a long time. BUT it's true. I feel so much better than having that hatred in my self. It does things to you. And for someone who has never been through an abusive relationship they cannot comprehend no matter how much they try. You see not everyone feels the same or understands at the same level. No it does not make them right. And you don't tell them you forgive them you just honestly do it in your heart. God cannot heal you with that hatred in you. I'm not trying to be all religious or anything. I believe but not a church goer. It's just the answer I got and yes it has work in my healing. Also I never spoke badly of my ex to my children, I knew they would grow up and understand me and yes they do and they are glad I never made them hate their Dad. They just know what an a## he is. He did it all by himself lol.
First off, do something for yourself! Making yourself beautiful ALWAYS perks up your self-esteem! Make a date with your gal pals to go out. Ask a few to go shopping with you to pick out a fabulous dress. Make an appointment at a day spa, one that does hair, nails, make-up, and body. Get your hair, nails, and make up done. Get a massage and a wax (bikini, under arms, and legs). Then go out and have a great night with your girls!
hang out with friends, family, people who you have fun with and make you feel like a great person. The key is to forget about him and in order to do that you have to put your mind else where and worry about more important things like your life and where you want it to go.
Spend as much time with your friends as possible.





Phone all your old friends you havent spoken with for ages and hook up with them.





Go out have fun.
Time will heal but I put in a lot of time at the batting cages pretending the ball was my exes head.
Lots and lots of counseling.
try dating another man?
I've been there and it's no fun. To answer your question....one word.


TIME

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