He is so good at making really hurtful, sarcastic, smart ***, etc. remarks and comments to me and everyone who actually loves him. And he makes himself believe that other people loves him and think that he is just a wonderful guy, but the matter of fact is people hates him cos of his rotten attitude. Why do u think he do this to me? I haven't done anything to deserve this.What is the most hurtful thing to say to your husband when he is being a jerk to you?
Love does not get provoked.
When your husband says hurtful things to you, tell him in a very kind and respectful way: ';Sweetheart, I love you very much, but, when you say things like (repeat whatever it is that he said) this is how I feel (then explain how you feel; hurt, sad, upset, angry, disrespected, unloved..whatever the feeling is) and I wish that you wouldn't say hurtful words like that to me because I love you.';
After that smile and walk away peacefully and allow his mind and heart to reflect on what you just said and what he just said.
';I am a firm believer in killing or healing someone with kindness!';
Plus, it makes you that much more of a stronger person......What is the most hurtful thing to say to your husband when he is being a jerk to you?
Because when he is alone with his thoughts or looks into the mirror he does not like who he is. He is probably more painfully aware of his own shortcomings as a man than any of the people that mistreats could ever understand.
I suspect that he hides his own insecurities behind a wall of one-liner's, put-downs, and off comments. Your man is not happy and he does not address the source of his feelings, he patches them up by being a jerk... I doubt he has changed much since you first met him.
Your man tries to make himself seem better by treating others poorly... I hope for your sake that you are strong and don't let his fear grind you down.
Get him to talk or to open up or get used to him being a jerk... it is his defense mechanism.
He's an abuser. He is abusing you. You don't say intentionally hurtful things to the ones you love. If you really love them and you say something hurtful, it will hurt you so bad that you'll never do it again.
I did that to my abusive X, he just pushed me and pushed me so far that I finally told him he was just like his psychotic father. I immediately regretted it and apologized. And I never opened my mouth again. His behavior, no matter how wrong, wasn't justified by me being ugly back to him. And it didn't make it better, 2 wrongs don't make a right. From that point on I held my tongue and was a bigger person. So when I finally gathered the strength to leave him, I could do so knowing I wasn't at fault and that I did it with grace. I could hold my head up high, even through the verbal and emotional beat downs that I endured.
And trust me, living everyday with pain of abuse even after 3 years of being away. The one thing that helps me on a daily basis with the process of healing, is knowing that I never stooped to his level except that one time which I regretted and apologized for. And for that I'm Thankful, because if I had developed a defense of being ugly back and then felt guilty for it, that low feeling would have probably kept me with him longer, perpetuating the cycle over and over.
Depends on whether you want to be done with him.
But think about what you are asking here. He makes you feel like shiit and you want to find a way to make him feel the same way. So, what do you get out of it?
It's a stupid game and no one wins. Ask him to go to counseling for his insecurities and divorce him if he won't.
Some people just don't care. It's not in their nature to be thoughtful, or nice. If you want to be hurtful, then the next time you have sex with him ask him ';Is it in yet?';
People will only treat you bad if you let him. Don't allow him to hurt you emotionally and verbally.
Anything to question his manhood will get him right where it hurts, but you are better off not resorting to this.
tell him he is a big headed, n has nuthin in the ***... tell him to go **** himself girl
Just be up front. When my husband is being a pr!ck, I tell him.
your pregnant by his dad.
•Excerpts from: WHY DOES HE DO THAT?
INSIDE THE MINDS of ANGRY and CONTROLLING MEN
BY: LUNDY BANCROFT
15 Signs That Point to a Potential Abuser
1. A push for quick involvement: comes on very strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures the woman for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. Jealousy: excessively possessive, calls you constantly or visits unexpectedly, prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”, checks the mileage on your car.
3. Controlling: interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late), about whom you talked to, and where you were, keeps all the money, insists that you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
5. Isolation: tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble”; the abuser may take away your phone or car and try to prevent you from keeping a job.
6. Blames others for problems and mistakes; the boss, you – it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for his feelings: the abusers says, “You make me angry”, instead of “I am angry” or “You hurt me by not listening or doing what I tell you to do”, also, “Why do you make me hit you?”
8. Hypersensitivity: he is easily insulted, claims that his feelings are hurt when he is really just mad.
9. Cruelty to children and animals; kills or punishes animals brutally. May expect children to do things far beyond their ability. For example: may whip a 2 year old for wetting a diaper, or may tease a child till they cry. 65% of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10. “Playful” use of force during sex; he enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: constantly picking at you, or says cruel, hateful things, degrades, curses, calls you ugly things, then says you’re too sensitive. May include sleep deprivation – waking you to curse at you, won’t let you sleep until “this is taken care of”.
12. Rigid sex rules: expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings – switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes.
14. Admits to hitting women in the past, but says they made him do it, or it wasn’t his fault. Uses threats of violence. “I’ll break your neck!” “I’ll kill you if…” then says “Everybody talks that way”, or “I didn’t really mean it.” If he has come this far it’s time to get help to get out.
The Abuser’s Most Common Control Tactics:
• Sarcasm
• Ridicule
• Distorting what you say
• Distorting what happened before
• Sulking
• Accusing you of doing what HE does, or thinking the way HE thinks
• Interrupting
• Not listening, refusing to respond
• Laughing out loud at your opinion
• Turning your complaints against you
• Changing the subject to HIS complaints
• Criticism that is harsh, undeserved or frequent
• Provoking guilt
• Making HIMSELF the victim
• Smirking, rolling his eyes, making faces
• Yelling, shouting
• Swearing
• Name-calling, insulting you or putting you down
• Walking out
• Towering over you
• Walking toward you with his fist raised
• Blocking a doorway
• Getting too close when he is angry
• Threatening to leave you
• Threatening to harm you
How Can I Tell If A Man I Am Seeing Will Become Abusive?
• He speaks badly about his former partners.
• He is disrespectful towards you.
• He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on a show of generosity that makes you uncomfortable
• He is controlling
• He is possessive
• Nothing is ever his fault
• He is self-centered
• He abuses drugs and/or alcohol
• He pressures you for sex
• He gets serious too quickly about the relationship
• He intimidates you when he is angry
• He has double standards
• He has negative attitudes about women
• He treats you differently around other people
• He appears to be attracted to vulnerability
• You show signs of being abused
Is What He Doing Abuse?
• He gets you back if you complain about his behavior
• He tells you that your complaints about his treatment of you are your problem
• He gives apologies that are insincere or angry and demands that you accept them
• He blames you for his behavior
• It’s never the right time, or the right way to bring things up
• He undermines your life
• He denied what he did
• Anything he does that is hurtful or angry was because “You made him” do it
• He touches you in anger or puts you in fear
• He pushes you for sex or sexually assaults you
• His behavior is a pattern
The Abusive Mentality
• He is controlling
• He feels entitled
• He twists things into their opposites
• He disrespects his partner and says he is superior to her
• He confuses love and abuse
• He is manipulative
• He feels
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