I am scared for my friend. She is scared to do anything to leave.
Their kids look down on her because of him and she fears losing them if she doesn't stay.What do you do if someone you care about is being brainwashed by her abusive husband?
You have no power. Just let her know how you feel and release it. I've had a relative involved in a similar situation. And we found that the best thing to do is to let the professionals handle it. They have the training, the perspective, and the emotional detachment needed to help her.
Give her the phone number for your local battered women's shelter. Hand it to her every time you get a chance. Hopefully, when she's ready, it will be in her purse or pocket. Other than that, all you can do is pray.
By the way, most women come in and out of the shelter several times before they leave for good. Be patient.What do you do if someone you care about is being brainwashed by her abusive husband?
Pray for them. I feel only God can fit what ever going on with their marriage. If you truly love her pray for her and then pray for him. Good luck.
Get her to a therapist.
Friday, April 30, 2010
I have the opportunity to receive pension funds from a former employee of my late husband.?
I'm only 53, so I'm considering taking the lesser amount rather then waiting 16 years to get a small percentage more. They are asking me to choose if I want to take it with or without COLA. I know that this means cost of living adjustment, but don't understand how it applies to this. Anyone able to help me understand this and decide which I should choose? Thank you.I have the opportunity to receive pension funds from a former employee of my late husband.?
Take all of the money now ! COLA should only apply if you choose to leave the money with them, but either way choose the option that gets you the most money today and then take that money and go to the track ;) kidding.. find a quality investment advisor who can place the money into a safe environment for you until you are ready to retire or have a need for the money. The USD is very low now as the previous poster mentioned this means US assets are on sale and it is a very good time to be investing in American companies. I'm not saying this because I'm a hyper patriot either, I'm actually a Canadian.
Best of LuckI have the opportunity to receive pension funds from a former employee of my late husband.?
Take everything you can get in a lump sum. Inflation and cost of living will eat up a lot over a 16 year period. If it is a substantial amount, trade it in for euros because the dollar is losing value.
Talk to an accountant who can show you what option is better or talk to the pension manager of the company to find out more information.spots bloom-
Take all of the money now ! COLA should only apply if you choose to leave the money with them, but either way choose the option that gets you the most money today and then take that money and go to the track ;) kidding.. find a quality investment advisor who can place the money into a safe environment for you until you are ready to retire or have a need for the money. The USD is very low now as the previous poster mentioned this means US assets are on sale and it is a very good time to be investing in American companies. I'm not saying this because I'm a hyper patriot either, I'm actually a Canadian.
Best of LuckI have the opportunity to receive pension funds from a former employee of my late husband.?
Take everything you can get in a lump sum. Inflation and cost of living will eat up a lot over a 16 year period. If it is a substantial amount, trade it in for euros because the dollar is losing value.
Talk to an accountant who can show you what option is better or talk to the pension manager of the company to find out more information.
Is it wrong to cheat on my husband on my birthday?
but it's my birthday, people have free pass to do whatever they want on their birthdays right?Is it wrong to cheat on my husband on my birthday?
If you want to cheat on your husband, then you should tell him that you want a divorce. That's probably the best b-day present you can give yourself right now.Is it wrong to cheat on my husband on my birthday?
Is it okay for your husband to cheat on you on his birthday? Maybe you both better play a good game of checkers and see who is the best cheater. Scrabble is an easy game to cheat in if you have the wood grains memorized on the back of the letter.
Are you serious?
This is disgusting.
No, you can't do that on your birthday.
How would you like it if your husband did that on his birthday?
This is probably the most depressing and sickening question I have ever seen on here.
u made a commitment to be faithful to your man on your wedding day. Just because its ur birthday it doesnt give you the right to bend that.
So no. why would you anyway.?
would u like it if he is like,
'; Honey i will be back later i am going to bang some chick cause its my birthday and I can';
not right. sorry.
If you knew it was right, would you be asking this question? I don't think you would. Just think about how hurt you would be if your husband cheated on you. Cheating is not right, on any day.
you.......are.......in so many ways........wrong in the head.....to think tht...........you could cheat..........on your husband...........
..............i rly rly rly do............feel sorry for him right now.
Well, Happy Birthday! Hope everything works out.
DUH ITZ WRONG ANYDAY
sure and you are going to let your husband cheat on his birthday also, right.
its wrong to cheat on your husband anytime during your marriage.
Correction: it is NEVER okay to cheat on your husband.
Well,I guess you have the suit for it. Ya' know,Birthday Suit? Geez,never mind.
Do you wanna be lonely for your next birthday? lol
Cheers =)
its very wrong
happy birthday
No. lol..Its the one day of the year you get to roam free/do whatever pleases you me-lady. haha.. Enjoy!
Not according to the laws of birthday no
it's OK as long as you ';come twice';
don't you do it every year anyway, why ask
It's not wrong. GO FOR IT. ;D
dumbass
Wrong, people have free passes to do whatever they want on their death beds only ...♣
It's OK if it's with someone named Angus.
It's not cheating, if you don't get caught
(Homer Simpson)
It's wrong any day, but why not? If he's anything like my husband, good for you.
It's wrong! even if it was christmas!!!!!!
no that's just a flat out skanky scrubber. By that I mean you!
you're married...
haha no.. it's wrong to cheat on your husband on any day..
Only if he doesn't get you a present.
wrong.
psh, it's YOUR birthday
If you want to cheat on your husband, then you should tell him that you want a divorce. That's probably the best b-day present you can give yourself right now.Is it wrong to cheat on my husband on my birthday?
Is it okay for your husband to cheat on you on his birthday? Maybe you both better play a good game of checkers and see who is the best cheater. Scrabble is an easy game to cheat in if you have the wood grains memorized on the back of the letter.
Are you serious?
This is disgusting.
No, you can't do that on your birthday.
How would you like it if your husband did that on his birthday?
This is probably the most depressing and sickening question I have ever seen on here.
u made a commitment to be faithful to your man on your wedding day. Just because its ur birthday it doesnt give you the right to bend that.
So no. why would you anyway.?
would u like it if he is like,
'; Honey i will be back later i am going to bang some chick cause its my birthday and I can';
not right. sorry.
If you knew it was right, would you be asking this question? I don't think you would. Just think about how hurt you would be if your husband cheated on you. Cheating is not right, on any day.
you.......are.......in so many ways........wrong in the head.....to think tht...........you could cheat..........on your husband...........
..............i rly rly rly do............feel sorry for him right now.
Well, Happy Birthday! Hope everything works out.
DUH ITZ WRONG ANYDAY
sure and you are going to let your husband cheat on his birthday also, right.
its wrong to cheat on your husband anytime during your marriage.
Correction: it is NEVER okay to cheat on your husband.
Well,I guess you have the suit for it. Ya' know,Birthday Suit? Geez,never mind.
Do you wanna be lonely for your next birthday? lol
Cheers =)
its very wrong
happy birthday
No. lol..Its the one day of the year you get to roam free/do whatever pleases you me-lady. haha.. Enjoy!
Not according to the laws of birthday no
it's OK as long as you ';come twice';
don't you do it every year anyway, why ask
It's not wrong. GO FOR IT. ;D
dumbass
Wrong, people have free passes to do whatever they want on their death beds only ...♣
It's OK if it's with someone named Angus.
It's not cheating, if you don't get caught
(Homer Simpson)
It's wrong any day, but why not? If he's anything like my husband, good for you.
It's wrong! even if it was christmas!!!!!!
no that's just a flat out skanky scrubber. By that I mean you!
you're married...
haha no.. it's wrong to cheat on your husband on any day..
Only if he doesn't get you a present.
wrong.
psh, it's YOUR birthday
Husband is Americn Indian, what do I do to register my kids?
My husband is 1/2 american indian, his father was born and raised on the reservation. I asked my husband about the registry and he doesn't want anything to do with it. I know my kids would qualify for their benefits. How do I start this process?Husband is Americn Indian, what do I do to register my kids?
Call the tribe. ask them for an ';enrollment packet'; Inside there will be a ';Family Tree'; to fill out. Most ask for a ';ROLL NUMBER'; You WILL have to prove a direct link. If grampa is willing to give you his roll number, you'll only have to prove a link to HIM, via birth cert. Each tribe is different, they either go by blood quantum, or lineage. If you need a contact list, the BIA has a website with a PDF of tribal contacts. Most nations have websites today. If you need any help, email me. I've helped more then a few 'back home'.Husband is Americn Indian, what do I do to register my kids?
Go to the nearest reservation and ask for the local sherriff
or official and ask them. They should know.. Or you can Google search Department of Indian affairs. That may help you.
They are just American. I am half Irish, but I don't call myself an Irish-American. I am simply an American with a proud Irish heritage.
Calling your children American will not take away from their proud Native heritage. And calling them Native American just to get benefits will not instill in them the drive to work hard to get ahead. They will just rely on their NA status and be lazy.
Contact the Tribal Office on the reservation. They will help you.
it would be best to go to the nations local field office....they will have all the applications and will be able to tell you more accurately than i can but i know with one of my former boyfriends they had to go get proof of his lineage. so you will probably have to consult with your husbands father and other relatives for that information. but if your husband has a CDIB card which is certificate of degree of indian blood or something like that your children will be able to use his number until they are 18 and then they will be required to get their own number. but its alot easier to just get it done now. with a CDIB the benefits vary from tribe to tribe. some have funds set up that will assist in college tuition, medical and dental insurance, various programs like the one where i live they have different sports camps and projects during the summer which the kids attend for free and everything is provided. they always have outings planned for the kids and many many many other great benefits. good luck to you.
american indian! register them as american indian!
there are SOOOO many benefits they can get if they are registered as AI...
plus it will teach them to be proud of their heritage!
go to the local courthouse and tell them you want to register your children as AI
Blanca you need the grandfather's registration number and you can get this by some geneology work or by inquiring to his tribe. From there your children can be registered. Is there any specific reason he doesn't want to register them? That sounds a bit odd concidering that he is doing them a disservice for not registering them. Go to the Guillon-Miller Roll or the Dawes Roll to look for his past relatives and from there you can also obtain their enrollement information.
Call the tribe. ask them for an ';enrollment packet'; Inside there will be a ';Family Tree'; to fill out. Most ask for a ';ROLL NUMBER'; You WILL have to prove a direct link. If grampa is willing to give you his roll number, you'll only have to prove a link to HIM, via birth cert. Each tribe is different, they either go by blood quantum, or lineage. If you need a contact list, the BIA has a website with a PDF of tribal contacts. Most nations have websites today. If you need any help, email me. I've helped more then a few 'back home'.Husband is Americn Indian, what do I do to register my kids?
Go to the nearest reservation and ask for the local sherriff
or official and ask them. They should know.. Or you can Google search Department of Indian affairs. That may help you.
They are just American. I am half Irish, but I don't call myself an Irish-American. I am simply an American with a proud Irish heritage.
Calling your children American will not take away from their proud Native heritage. And calling them Native American just to get benefits will not instill in them the drive to work hard to get ahead. They will just rely on their NA status and be lazy.
Contact the Tribal Office on the reservation. They will help you.
it would be best to go to the nations local field office....they will have all the applications and will be able to tell you more accurately than i can but i know with one of my former boyfriends they had to go get proof of his lineage. so you will probably have to consult with your husbands father and other relatives for that information. but if your husband has a CDIB card which is certificate of degree of indian blood or something like that your children will be able to use his number until they are 18 and then they will be required to get their own number. but its alot easier to just get it done now. with a CDIB the benefits vary from tribe to tribe. some have funds set up that will assist in college tuition, medical and dental insurance, various programs like the one where i live they have different sports camps and projects during the summer which the kids attend for free and everything is provided. they always have outings planned for the kids and many many many other great benefits. good luck to you.
american indian! register them as american indian!
there are SOOOO many benefits they can get if they are registered as AI...
plus it will teach them to be proud of their heritage!
go to the local courthouse and tell them you want to register your children as AI
Blanca you need the grandfather's registration number and you can get this by some geneology work or by inquiring to his tribe. From there your children can be registered. Is there any specific reason he doesn't want to register them? That sounds a bit odd concidering that he is doing them a disservice for not registering them. Go to the Guillon-Miller Roll or the Dawes Roll to look for his past relatives and from there you can also obtain their enrollement information.
Would you call it cheating if your husband or wife dances with other men at a club?
Well I seen my friend at a club which is a male and he is married and I know his wife. I seen him dancing with another women but he was not touching or feeling on her. Would anyone consider this cheating? I would be upset if my hubby danced with other women at a club when I am not around or there. The same for me he would have a fit if I danced with another man.Would you call it cheating if your husband or wife dances with other men at a club?
NOPEWould you call it cheating if your husband or wife dances with other men at a club?
I would think that as long as you know the person that he is dancing with that should be OK but if you were to see somebody you know dancing with somebody you have never seen before then yes a red flag should go up especially if he or she is dancing with that person several times in the night. I would say something to the spouse who is not there and unaware of what is going on. I know it's not right to be a whistle blower but cheating is definitely terribly wrong so lets do what is right and possibly save a marriage.
depends, if the other spouse is there and okay's it then its alright. And i think it also depends on who the dance partner is. if it was a mutual friend who wasn't getting touchy feely i wouldn't care but if he was dancing with some B**** who was grinding him i would not be OK with it. Same goes the other way around if he doesn't feel like dancing and i do he is cool with me dancing with his friends or my guy friends but i never dance up on them, that would be disrespectful to him and me.
Dancing. We're talking about dancing.
Dancing in a club.
DANCING.
Not even touching.
Not even touching much less swapping spit.
Really now, not cheating.
The question you must ask yourself is whether his wife is dancing deprived. After all, it is possible his wife does not like to dance so he dances without her.
Look, you really must grow up a bit.
Cheating, real infidelity, starts when there is some exchange of body fluids.
There are a lot of factors that could sway the answer either way.
1. Did he share one dance with her or did they dance all night?
2. Were they all over each other or was he just being polite?
3. What are the mutual rules in his relationship?
4. Would he hide something like this from his wife?
Usually the general rule is if you wouldn't do it while they were there, then you shouldn't do it while they're not. So it really leaves it open to what the couple is okay with each other doing.
First, how well do you know the wife? If not too well, then mind your own business. And, how well do you know the guy? I guess it comes down to that unless you know these people well, then don't go and create a potentially serious situation needlessly. Don't start s*%26amp;t when there ain't none!
i think it really depends on THEIR relationship, i mean if he wasn't touching her. no i wouldn't be very happy, but maybe she knows and is ok with it. if he was touching and all over her yes, i think that is the same as cheating.
Yes I would be mad but that is why neither one of us go to clubs. Sports bars but not clubs. And my husband hates if another man even touches me so I know he would be upset.But that's us maybe his wife doesn't mind. Ask him how would his wife feel about it?
Dancing is hardly cheating but I would be uncomfortable knowing my husband was out dancing with other women. Going to a sports bar with buddies and hanging out is one thing but going clubbing and dancing with women could lead to trouble.
I wouldn't consider it cheating. The no# 1 thing in a healthy marriage is trust. I think he was just enjoying his self. Now if he would've left with this female, I would say something then, but just dancing is harmless.
i wouldn't consider it cheating..that's way to harsh but it was definitely inappropriate !..i would be really annoyed and i think it would be the same the other way round
Dancing is a form of foreplay, my ex just ';had to take line dance lessons';. She danced her azz into a divorce due to her infidelity.
No its not cheating just to people having a good time! Relax; they weren't touching just dancing.
no not at all
i don't feel that way, there is nothing wrong in dancing with another woman if he is married as long u know what he is doing
Yeah.
No
NOPEWould you call it cheating if your husband or wife dances with other men at a club?
I would think that as long as you know the person that he is dancing with that should be OK but if you were to see somebody you know dancing with somebody you have never seen before then yes a red flag should go up especially if he or she is dancing with that person several times in the night. I would say something to the spouse who is not there and unaware of what is going on. I know it's not right to be a whistle blower but cheating is definitely terribly wrong so lets do what is right and possibly save a marriage.
depends, if the other spouse is there and okay's it then its alright. And i think it also depends on who the dance partner is. if it was a mutual friend who wasn't getting touchy feely i wouldn't care but if he was dancing with some B**** who was grinding him i would not be OK with it. Same goes the other way around if he doesn't feel like dancing and i do he is cool with me dancing with his friends or my guy friends but i never dance up on them, that would be disrespectful to him and me.
Dancing. We're talking about dancing.
Dancing in a club.
DANCING.
Not even touching.
Not even touching much less swapping spit.
Really now, not cheating.
The question you must ask yourself is whether his wife is dancing deprived. After all, it is possible his wife does not like to dance so he dances without her.
Look, you really must grow up a bit.
Cheating, real infidelity, starts when there is some exchange of body fluids.
There are a lot of factors that could sway the answer either way.
1. Did he share one dance with her or did they dance all night?
2. Were they all over each other or was he just being polite?
3. What are the mutual rules in his relationship?
4. Would he hide something like this from his wife?
Usually the general rule is if you wouldn't do it while they were there, then you shouldn't do it while they're not. So it really leaves it open to what the couple is okay with each other doing.
First, how well do you know the wife? If not too well, then mind your own business. And, how well do you know the guy? I guess it comes down to that unless you know these people well, then don't go and create a potentially serious situation needlessly. Don't start s*%26amp;t when there ain't none!
i think it really depends on THEIR relationship, i mean if he wasn't touching her. no i wouldn't be very happy, but maybe she knows and is ok with it. if he was touching and all over her yes, i think that is the same as cheating.
Yes I would be mad but that is why neither one of us go to clubs. Sports bars but not clubs. And my husband hates if another man even touches me so I know he would be upset.But that's us maybe his wife doesn't mind. Ask him how would his wife feel about it?
Dancing is hardly cheating but I would be uncomfortable knowing my husband was out dancing with other women. Going to a sports bar with buddies and hanging out is one thing but going clubbing and dancing with women could lead to trouble.
I wouldn't consider it cheating. The no# 1 thing in a healthy marriage is trust. I think he was just enjoying his self. Now if he would've left with this female, I would say something then, but just dancing is harmless.
i wouldn't consider it cheating..that's way to harsh but it was definitely inappropriate !..i would be really annoyed and i think it would be the same the other way round
Dancing is a form of foreplay, my ex just ';had to take line dance lessons';. She danced her azz into a divorce due to her infidelity.
No its not cheating just to people having a good time! Relax; they weren't touching just dancing.
no not at all
i don't feel that way, there is nothing wrong in dancing with another woman if he is married as long u know what he is doing
Yeah.
No
I seem to be waiting for my husband to get better when its not going to happen.How do I get over this feeling?
Almost 5 years ago he sustained a tramitic brain injury. He is now permantly disabled. I am his caregiver. I'm in a perpetual waiting pattern which causes me to get very little done with my life. How do I break this cycle. I see my 18 year old son doing the same thing. We just keep waiting for dad to come back. He never will. ( I have tried support groups but they just depress me more) What is the magic secret?I seem to be waiting for my husband to get better when its not going to happen.How do I get over this feeling?
Take this for a grain of salt.
You're longing for what is no longer here. We hold on to things, especially one another. But we are very fragile, and we break easily. But for some reason we always assume that everything will go well, and are shocked when it doesn't. You're problem is reconciling the facts with your internal concept of the way things should be.
Not to sound stupid, but remember Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates? It's kinda like that. And sometimes the chocolate we take is not what we wanted.
I think that you are probably in a very sad situation, and your life has been permanently disrupted, and this is what's causing you the most heartache. You need to take care of you just as much as you take care of him. JUST AS MUCH! If that means going away on a vacation by yourself or with friends, then so be it. Also, find others in your community that may help you with the burden. You have to find a release for yourself.
Good luck.I seem to be waiting for my husband to get better when its not going to happen.How do I get over this feeling?
this is your fate and destiny, accept it , the sooner your accept it, the ease you will feel and brighten you will be to handle day to day routine
There is no one right answer to this question. Everyone is different. I myself am not terribly religious, but I think in this situation having the support of a congregation would definitely help. I know that growing up members of our church volunteered to help families like yours even if just for a few hours a week so that you could have a little me time.
He did not ask to be in the situation, but at the same time neither did you and I am sure that it is difficult not to be resentful at times.
I wish you happiness.
THERE IS NO MAGIC SECRET.............. TIME IS SUPPOSED TO HEAL ALL WOUNDS
You clearly need a good therapist. Go out and find one, because you definitely have a lot of stuff that you need to talk about.
Take this for a grain of salt.
You're longing for what is no longer here. We hold on to things, especially one another. But we are very fragile, and we break easily. But for some reason we always assume that everything will go well, and are shocked when it doesn't. You're problem is reconciling the facts with your internal concept of the way things should be.
Not to sound stupid, but remember Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates? It's kinda like that. And sometimes the chocolate we take is not what we wanted.
I think that you are probably in a very sad situation, and your life has been permanently disrupted, and this is what's causing you the most heartache. You need to take care of you just as much as you take care of him. JUST AS MUCH! If that means going away on a vacation by yourself or with friends, then so be it. Also, find others in your community that may help you with the burden. You have to find a release for yourself.
Good luck.I seem to be waiting for my husband to get better when its not going to happen.How do I get over this feeling?
this is your fate and destiny, accept it , the sooner your accept it, the ease you will feel and brighten you will be to handle day to day routine
There is no one right answer to this question. Everyone is different. I myself am not terribly religious, but I think in this situation having the support of a congregation would definitely help. I know that growing up members of our church volunteered to help families like yours even if just for a few hours a week so that you could have a little me time.
He did not ask to be in the situation, but at the same time neither did you and I am sure that it is difficult not to be resentful at times.
I wish you happiness.
THERE IS NO MAGIC SECRET.............. TIME IS SUPPOSED TO HEAL ALL WOUNDS
You clearly need a good therapist. Go out and find one, because you definitely have a lot of stuff that you need to talk about.
What can I do to prevent my husband from becoming an ';educated bum.';?
My husband recently obtained a B.S. degree and he refuses to apply to NYU Stern. He doesn't want to go to Columbia either. He can definitely get in to either of these institutions but, he wants to go to this unknown school just because its cheap. What the heck am I supposed to do to push him towards excellence? Help!!!What can I do to prevent my husband from becoming an ';educated bum.';?
firstly give him your full love ,spend a time with him and try to get why he wants cheap,coz he wants money save for your life or just by habit.
say him if he will join a best insti today he will get more money tomorrow then he is goin to save just by avoiding it.I think he will think of it. Every man is himself aware of carrer.
firstly give him your full love ,spend a time with him and try to get why he wants cheap,coz he wants money save for your life or just by habit.
say him if he will join a best insti today he will get more money tomorrow then he is goin to save just by avoiding it.I think he will think of it. Every man is himself aware of carrer.
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